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Safe people:
- Are clear about children's vulnerability and do not create situations that could be difficult for a child to control.
- Do not seek to be alone with a child but they encourage parental involvement in the activity.
- Are clear about not being over-familiar with children and they do not impose or encourage physical contact with children that is inappropriate.
- Do not introduce or join in with any sexual jokes or conversation with children.
- Do not introduce sexual material to children unless part of formal sex education and previously discussed with the child's parent.
- Do not break normal adult-child boundaries and they do not act like children towards children.
- Do not allow or encourage children to do illicit things like smoke, take drugs or drink alcohol.
It is sometimes thought that there are 'key words' an abuser might use to give the child a false sense of security. Unfortunately, there is no straightforward vocabulary a child could be taught that would help them recognise an abusive person - it all depends on the context. But think about what an abuser would need to do to win the victim's confidence and trust and to get the victim to comply and protect the abuser's secretive behaviour.
Secrecy and isolation from risk of discovery are likely to be at the forefront of the abuser's mind, so these are things they are likely to talk about. The abuser won't want to alarm the victim or cause the victim to run and tell, so they will say things to normalise the behaviour and make it seem ordinary or grown up. Since any sexually abusive behaviour will be partly motivated by sexual interest, the abuser will be likely to introduce sexual matters in inappropriate or unexpected situations. If the victim resists, the abuser is likely to use any form of emotional, psychological or physical pressure to get the victim to comply. What any child needs to learn is how to recognise their feelings as warning signs when any of these things happen.
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